he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
