There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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