We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
