i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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