Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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