i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
My dick has a subreddit
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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