if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
