he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I think my moral compass just broke
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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