I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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