i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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