I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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