I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
