Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
