hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
