She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
