My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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