ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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