1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
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i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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