I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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