the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
