Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
