Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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