i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
My feet surprised me
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
