My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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