I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
