9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Randomize
