Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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