3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
