I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
