Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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