were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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