Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
