i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?