I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I just found a bag of teeth...
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Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
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Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD