He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
