Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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