the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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