There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
