Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Randomize
