The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Sext me about skeletons
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
