i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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