let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
