Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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