Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
