remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
