well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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