I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
