You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
