Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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