I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
did you just send me my own nude
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
