So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
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I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
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You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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