I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
