i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
