Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
