with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
