There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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