I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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