im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
