I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Girls should come with a carfax report
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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