you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
