She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
