I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
