So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
