Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
