is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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