i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Im part way to drunk.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
