i dedicated my morning wood to you.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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