first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
