So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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