The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
